You have had the same argument three times this month. Maybe it starts over the dishes, or the calendar, or a tone of voice, and somehow it always lands in the same place. One of you goes quiet. One of you pushes harder. Afterward, each of you is left wondering the same private question: is this me, is it you, or is it something about us together?
That question is the reason a lot of people start looking for a therapist, and it is also the reason they get stuck before they book anything. Couples therapy and individual therapy are two different kinds of work, and knowing which one fits your situation makes the first step a lot clearer. Montgomery Counseling Group offers both individual and couples therapy in Charlotte, NC and by telehealth throughout North Carolina, so this piece is about helping you tell them apart.
Two Different Kinds of Work
Individual therapy gives you one room, one relationship with a therapist, and a focus on your own patterns: how you respond to stress, and where old experiences still shape the life you want now. Couples therapy puts both partners in the room and treats the relationship itself as the focus. Rather than refereeing to decide who is right, the therapist works with the pattern the two of you create together, the loop you fall into, and what each of you can do differently inside it.
Neither format is the stronger one. They do different jobs. A person can grow a great deal in individual work and still watch the same cycle repeat at home, because the cycle lives between two people and needs both of them present to shift. And a couple can spend months talking about communication while one partner is living with something from long before the relationship that has never had its own space. Where to start depends on where the work lives.
Signs the Work Belongs in the Room Together
Some situations point clearly toward starting as a couple. You keep having the same conflict on repeat, and you can almost predict the script before it begins. Conversations that should be simple turn into standoffs, or into silence. You feel more like opponents than teammates, even though you both want the relationship to continue. You have tried to fix it on your own and keep landing back in the same spot.
When both partners want to stay together and the trouble shows up in how you two interact, that interaction is something a couples therapist can work with directly. Taylor Banner works with the recurring cycles couples fall into, helping each partner see their part in the loop and build a different way of responding to each other.
When Individual Therapy Comes First
Sometimes the steadier starting point is individual work. If there is violence or fear in the relationship, couples sessions are not the right setting, and safety comes first. If one partner is in acute crisis, or is holding an earlier experience they have never had room to work through, individual therapy offers a place to find footing before the couple work begins. It is a question of sequence rather than a verdict on the relationship or on either person. Some ground is easier to stand on once you have had support that is yours alone.
If you are in immediate danger, call 911. For confidential support any time, you can reach the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988, and the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or by texting START to 88788.
Can You Do Both Couples and Individual Therapy at the Same Time?
Yes, and many people do. At Montgomery Counseling Group, when a person is in couples therapy and also wants individual support, we arrange for a different clinician to provide that individual work. The couples therapist keeps the relationship as their focus and holds an even footing with both partners. A separate individual therapist gives each person a space that is fully their own. Keeping those roles with different clinicians protects the trust in both rooms, so neither partner has to wonder whose side the therapist is on.
What a Couples Therapist in Charlotte Helps With
Day to day, couples work is less about grand breakthroughs and more about the ordinary machinery of a relationship: how you talk, how you repair after a rupture, how you ask for what you need without it turning into a fight. Taylor Banner draws on Emotionally Focused Family Therapy (EFFT) and Structural Family Therapy (SFT), approaches that help partners understand the emotional bonds underneath their conflicts and the way roles and boundaries get organized between them. In practice that looks like slowing down a familiar argument enough to see what is really happening, naming the need each partner is protecting, and practicing new responses until they start to feel possible.
Deciding Where to Start
Here is a plain way to think it through. If the thing you keep bumping into shows up mainly in how you and your partner interact, and you both want to work on the relationship, couples therapy is a reasonable place to begin. If what is weighing on you is more personal right now, or if safety is a question, individual work is the steadier first step. And if you cannot tell, a first conversation with a therapist can help you sort it out. You do not have to arrive with the answer already worked out. Figuring out where to start is part of what a consultation is for. You can also look over our rates and insurance information before you reach out, so cost is one less unknown.
Working with Taylor Banner in Charlotte or by Telehealth
Taylor Banner, LCSWA, provides couples and family therapy at Montgomery Counseling Group, with in-person therapy sessions in Charlotte and telehealth across North Carolina. If you and your partner are ready to work on the pattern you keep landing in, or if you just want help deciding where to start, you can schedule a free consultation and take it from there.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I know whether to start with couples or individual therapy?
A useful question to sit with is where the trouble lives. If the pattern you keep hitting shows up mainly in how you and your partner interact, and you both want to work on the relationship, couples therapy is a reasonable starting point. If what is weighing on you is more personal and would be true whether or not you were in this relationship, individual therapy may fit better first. When it is hard to tell, a first consultation at Montgomery Counseling Group can help you sort out which one fits your situation.
When does it make sense to start with individual therapy before couples work?
Individual therapy is usually the steadier first step when there is violence or fear in the relationship, when one partner is in acute crisis, or when someone is holding an earlier experience they have not yet had space to work through. Starting individually in those situations is a way to find solid footing first rather than a judgment about the relationship. Montgomery Counseling Group offers individual therapy in Charlotte, NC and by telehealth throughout North Carolina.
What points toward couples therapy as the starting point?
Couples therapy tends to fit when the same conflict keeps repeating, when conversations break down into standoffs or silence, and when both partners still want the relationship to continue. In those situations the difficulty lives in how the two of you interact, which is exactly what a couples therapist works with directly. Taylor Banner provides couples and family therapy at Montgomery Counseling Group in Charlotte, NC.
Can someone see one clinician for individual therapy and another for couples therapy at the same time?
Yes. Many people are in couples therapy and individual therapy at once, and at Montgomery Counseling Group those are handled by two different clinicians. The couples therapist keeps the relationship as the focus and stays evenly balanced between both partners, while a separate individual therapist gives each person a space of their own. Keeping the roles separate protects the trust in both settings.
What does a couples therapist in Charlotte help with day to day?
A couples therapist helps partners with the everyday mechanics of the relationship: communication, repairing after conflict, rebuilding trust, and shifting the recurring patterns that leave both people feeling stuck. At Montgomery Counseling Group, Taylor Banner draws on Emotionally Focused Family Therapy (EFFT) and Structural Family Therapy (SFT) to help couples in Charlotte, NC understand and change those patterns.
What if one partner is in individual therapy and the other is not?
In couples work, one partner already being in individual therapy while the other is not is a familiar arrangement, and on its own it is not a problem. One partner having their own individual therapist can bring useful perspective into the couple’s work. It can also shift the pace, since one person may be moving through personal material the other is not, and a couples therapist can help hold that difference so it does not become a source of distance. Montgomery Counseling Group can talk through how to structure things if this is your situation.
What happens if individual work surfaces partway through couples therapy?
Couples therapy sometimes brings something to the surface that one partner needs to work on individually, and that is a normal part of how the work unfolds. When that happens at Montgomery Counseling Group, we can help arrange individual support with a separate clinician so both the personal work and the relationship work have room to continue. It is a sign the therapy is reaching something important, and the couples work continues alongside it.
